Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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