I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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