I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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