Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
