is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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