when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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