Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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