Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
