I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
COCAINE IS GR8
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
