I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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