It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
