I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
