Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
