He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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