I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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