Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
