a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
