The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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