my soul wont recognize me after tonight
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
