now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
