I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
