I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
