he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They have beer where we have blood.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
