I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
