remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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