he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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