So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
