Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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