You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
