she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
