Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
