Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
