that's an acceptable place to lick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
