so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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