I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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