fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
