we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize