I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
