im about as happy as oj after his trial
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
