I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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