Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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