you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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