apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize