Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
