Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
