Screwed.edu
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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