I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
