You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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