pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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