Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
