youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize