It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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