Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
