all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
