Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
