Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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