u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We don't watch enough power rangers
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
