There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
soo... how was my night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
