Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
